apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
