Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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