Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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