I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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