so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
