Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
