i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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