I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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