I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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