I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
