Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
