Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Found the puke drawer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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