He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
