I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's get the cat blown out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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