The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
