There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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