U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
