I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
