If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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