these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
