Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
