Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
