No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
