the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
