Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
