don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
