one two three fourrrrnication!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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