So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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