Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
there is glitter all over my balls
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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