I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
