your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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