is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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