There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
