that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
