oh god the rape fog is back!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
