I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
