I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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