I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
