Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
