you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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