my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
