Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
