Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
