ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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