yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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