It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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