Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
