NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We're too hungover to prance.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
