I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
