he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
