No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
