The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
