if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
