grandma shit on top of the toilet
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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