I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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