I wanna bring you to show and tell
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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