My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
