Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
