My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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