smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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