my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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