I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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