ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
