she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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