he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
