are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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