Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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