dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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