I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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