I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
