Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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