Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish I only lived at night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
