maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
