can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
