just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
