Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I DEMAND FORESKIN
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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