It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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