we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
