My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
