had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
