man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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