Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
