just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
