I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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