im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
